It Starts With Elementary

People often think of high school as the peak of bullying, mean kids and stereotypes. In many situations, yes it is. But it's often forgotten how hard it can be in elementary school too. In fact, for many children, this is when they begin to develop ideas and labels that influence high school cliques and groups. 

One of my major issues with elementary schools is their lack of support for LGBT kids. I'm not saying that all schools are this way, but there is a large amount of them. Teachers often shrug off the comments such as "gay." I remember being in second grade and my classmates telling me that the word gay was an insult to boys. My teacher, who ended up being part of the situation, didn't even take that opportunity to educate us students. 

Many children come out during these years. As they start to learn about sex in school, they fail to learn that sex isn't just a thing between man and woman. I'm not saying they should go in detail, but they definitely need to discuss that sexuality is very diverse. 

This is where so many ideologies come from. By not having the proper education and support, children either grow up feeling neglected, or form negative opinions of the LGBT community. I hear about so much bullying that goes on due to this, and so little is done about it. It's not just kids being kids. It's a serious issue that needs to be addressed. 

Unfortuantly, we can't just change the school system overnight. But I think it's important that supportive parents and teachers take the time to provide proper education. For myself, I know that I grew up with negative opinions on people within the LGBT community, and it took me branching off from what I was taught to discover the truth for myself (and I now identify as part of the community). If you know anyone who looks up to you, take time to educate them. That's the key to creating healthier school environments and a generation that embraces sexual and gender diversity. 

Sexpectations and Double Standards

As a female, the double standards are all too familiar. It's easy to give in to what's expected because that's what we are taught. However, I think that it's important to challenge why we are doing what we are doing and why certain things are expected in the first place. You'll find that a lot of it has to do with the standards buried deep within the norms of society, with nothing to do with logic, and everything to do with privilege vs. oppression.

I find myself thinking about this a lot. A lot of times, it leads me to belting out Kacey Musgrave's Follow Your Arrow which is all about double standards, and since there's no way to please everyone, the best option is to do the best thing for you. Thank goodness for artists who actually get this double-standard dilemma, especially when so many songs these days reinforce it.

For women, a huge area filled with intense amount of double pressures is sex. Women are expected to have sex with men, yet when they are, they are called whores, sluts, hoes, skanks, etc. How is this even fair? Well, it's definitely not. And when women are given the expectation to repay men's kindness with sex, it's something I like to call sexpectations.

To take a look at this topic, it's important to think about why it's this way. A lot of it is constructed by society and the patriarchal system that we live in. Women are so often expected to do things for men, sex included. That being said, there are many men who, after doing something nice for a woman, expect sex. And women tend to comply to that because it's a norm in society. If you read my last entry on consent, you know that sex is only okay with consent, which means both parties being 100% into it. This sort of pressure is not consent.

While women are depicted as the nurturing and emotional gender (qualities which there is nothing wrong with), men seem to have a much different agenda for "what makes a man." It includes anger as the only emotion, physical strength and sex with women. On television, movies and advertisements, successful, heroic men are often rewarded with lots of sex. If you haven't noticed, pay attention next time, you'll see it too.

The fact is that sex should be about equality, and less about who deserves what. No one, no matter the gender, should ever feel like they need to have sex with someone. You never owe anyone sex. It's not a crime to walk away - it's often something that means you are looking out for yourself. And of course, it's okay if you feel that you want to have sex, go for it!

As long as you are taking care of yourself and being honest with your partner, there should be no shame in doing so. I know that so many girls and women deal with being called a slut because they choose to engage in sexual activity, especially if it is casual. This is called slut-shaming (which is putting someone down for their sexual activity, how they behave, or who they date) and it is wrong.

 No one should have to deal with this because of the fact that they decide to have sex, especially since it is something that is not only personal, but something that can be great. Sex has many health benefits, and having sex does not mean a person does not respect themselves. By taking care of your body, setting up personal boundaries and doing what makes you feel good, you are respecting yourself.

To conclude, I hope that everyone has an awesome day. If that includes lots of great sex, I wish you all the best. And if that's not what you want, remember, you don't owe anyone anything.

Consent 101

I've had quite a few conversations recently with people regarding the topic of sexual assault (after all, May is Sexual Assault Awareness Month). It saddens me, that although everyone can agree on the fact that rapists are the ones at fault, it's still implied by many that there are times where the survivor of the violence is too.

Men who have experienced this sort of violence are often shrugged off. Their assault is treated insignificant because so many people believe that men cannot get raped, while in face, they can. This is ridiculous, because man, woman or any other gender, if there is no consent, it is assault.

Women too are put down, but in other ways. They are often shamed for the way they are dressed, how sexually active they are, or for being under the influence of alcohol and/or drugs. Girls are taught how not to get raped and boys aren't being taught not to rape (not to say that all men, or even the majority of them, are rapists, but there definitely needs to be more education for them growing up).

Sexual assault has absolutely nothing to do with how a woman is dressed. It's about power. If it was about the way a person was dressing, women in full length clothing would never be assaulted. Neither would men or children. Yet, they are. And the reason is simple: it's about power, not the way a person dresses.

The same goes for a person who is under the influence of alcohol. Sex is only ever okay when there is consent. In Canada, the age of consent is sixteen (with exceptions, especially regarding peer-to-peer sexual relations). One thing however is stated clearly: a person who is under the influence cannot give consent.

About three months ago I was approached by an old friend who thanked me for my advocacy for survivors of sexual assault that I had been doing through social media. My only hope when I share these messages is that it can make an impact on other peoples' lives, even if "other people" only means one person. The moment I realized that what I was doing was, I felt more motivated than ever.

People who I have spoken with who are survivors have shared with me how often they felt blame and guilt on their own part. A lot of this has to do with the culture we live in, surrounded with excuses to shed light on rape. From jokes, to advertisements of men holding extreme power over women, this sort of violence isn't new to any of us.

The best thing to do is to be educated about consent, and use that knowledge to educate those around us. Here's some facts on the consent law in Canada:

• The legal age for consent is sixteen
• A person cannot give consent to pornography, prostitution or sex with a figure of authority unless they are eighteen
• The age for consent of anal sex is eighteen
• Exceptions: ages twelve and thirteen can consent to sexual activity with someone less than two years older than them; ages fourteen and fifteen can consent to someone less than five years older than them
• Someone under the influence of drugs and/or alcohol cannot give consent
• Consent means checking in with the person the entire way through, understanding both their verbal and body language

Consent isn't just sexy, it's essential. It's extremely important to be knowledgeable about it. Keep yourself, your friends and family informed about it, because all sex must be completely consensual! And of course, just as we all have the right to say no (whether that be verbal or nonverbal), we also have the right to say yes.

Cat's Don't Call (Neither Should You)

I love the summer. One of the reasons is because of the clothes. There's something great about being able to wear cute summer dresses, tank tops and short shorts while feeling good about your body. Yet, there are cons to it too. Most women can relate to what I'm saying. With clothing that shows skin, there is street harassment.

According to Stop Street Harassment (an organization with the initiative to end this), street harassment is defined as: "any action or comment between strangers in public places that is disrespectful, unwelcome, threatening and/or harassing and is motivated by gender or sexual orientation." Of course, this happens during all times of the year, but it seems to especially be evident in the summer. I love being able to walk everywhere in the beautiful weather. Time alone outdoors gives me time to reflect on the world around me, and all its beauty. But the cat-calls and wolf-whistles ruin it all. 

The worst part is, there have been times I've expected to be called out at, when I wasn't at all. I have been afraid to walk by certain groups of men because it has been such a norm to deal with that sort of harassment. I've also taken different routes to avoid people, as have many of my girl friends that I have talked to regarding the topic. 

I question the reasoning behind it all. I know for a fact that sexual assault and harassment is always about power, but the thought process behind yelling out to a woman on the street confuses me. Does it seem cool? Because if that's the case, I fear for the trends both of the present and future even more so than I do already. 

I know that for many boys and men out there, yelling "Hey baby" could be a normal things to do when driving by a "hot chick" with their friends. And I'm here to say STOP! For many, it's a norm to do such a thing. But the aftermath of it only results in the woman feeling degraded, objectified and bad about herself. Not to mention that if a woman yells back to defend herself, she is often labeled a "bitch."

If you see someone harassing someone on the street, how about educating them on the topic? Don't let it slide. More than 80% of women worldwide are dealing with this, and that is a number that is much too high. The only way that this can be changed is by telling people who do do this, that they're not being "cool." In fact, they are reinforcing the sexism and violence against women already in place through society, media and other means. 

The point is, we can put an end to this. There are many anti-street harassment marches and events. However, by not being okay with it, it's a huge step towards stopping it. We are all responsible for it, and ignoring is makes us part of the problem and not the solution.