It Starts With Elementary

People often think of high school as the peak of bullying, mean kids and stereotypes. In many situations, yes it is. But it's often forgotten how hard it can be in elementary school too. In fact, for many children, this is when they begin to develop ideas and labels that influence high school cliques and groups. 

One of my major issues with elementary schools is their lack of support for LGBT kids. I'm not saying that all schools are this way, but there is a large amount of them. Teachers often shrug off the comments such as "gay." I remember being in second grade and my classmates telling me that the word gay was an insult to boys. My teacher, who ended up being part of the situation, didn't even take that opportunity to educate us students. 

Many children come out during these years. As they start to learn about sex in school, they fail to learn that sex isn't just a thing between man and woman. I'm not saying they should go in detail, but they definitely need to discuss that sexuality is very diverse. 

This is where so many ideologies come from. By not having the proper education and support, children either grow up feeling neglected, or form negative opinions of the LGBT community. I hear about so much bullying that goes on due to this, and so little is done about it. It's not just kids being kids. It's a serious issue that needs to be addressed. 

Unfortuantly, we can't just change the school system overnight. But I think it's important that supportive parents and teachers take the time to provide proper education. For myself, I know that I grew up with negative opinions on people within the LGBT community, and it took me branching off from what I was taught to discover the truth for myself (and I now identify as part of the community). If you know anyone who looks up to you, take time to educate them. That's the key to creating healthier school environments and a generation that embraces sexual and gender diversity. 

Bisexuality: Not Just A Myth

Our society seems to be in denial of bisexuality. Often, people can comprehend if a person is straight or gay, but not bisexual (or another sexual orientation that doesn't fit either). However, the truth in it all is that sexuality isn't black and white. Being bisexual is having an attraction to both males and females. The concept seems easy enough, but there are still people who don't get it.

There are so many myths out there about people who identify as bisexual. For example, in television shows especially, bisexuality is shown as a "phase" that teenage girls go through. And while some people may experiment during their teenage years (which is not wrong at all), sexuality is not ever set in stone. As people go through life, they might find who they like changing. And that's completely okay. I am sure that every single person was once attracted to one person who they no longer are to anymore, or becomes attracted to someone they never were to before. Alike that, sexuality can change.

Here are some myths and facts about bisexuality:

1. Bisexuality is all about sex.

Wrong. Attraction is a key word that I have been using. When looking at anyone within the LGBT (lesbian, gay, bisexual, trans) community, the media often portrays bisexual relationships as entirely physical, revolving around sex. While being physically attracted to someone may be important, there are other ways of being attracted to them too. After all, you can be attracted not only physically and sexually, but emotionally, spiritually, and other ways as well.

2. Bisexuality isn't real - it's just people who can't make up their mind.

Wrong again. I've heard it many times too, when people ask, "Why can't you just choose one?" That's speaking as if it were a choice in the first place. A person who has the potential to love either gender doesn't mean that they just can't make up their mind. That's just like saying a person who likes two different flavours of ice cream should pick one and never be allowed to have the other. It makes no sense.

3. Bisexuality is just an excuse for cheating. 

Wrong, yet again. Many people think that people who are bisexual are just being greedy. It has nothing to do with greed. Just because a person is bisexual, it does not mean that they are attracted to every single person, or have the inability to be part of a committed relationship (That being said, it's not always 50% attraction to females and 50% attraction to males, often it varies.) Cheating isn't something that is caused by sexual orientation, but by the will to cheat, something that can happen with a person with any sexuality.

It's extremely important to refer to someone the way that they identify. If someone comes out to you as bisexual, they are not coming out as being gay. Refer to them however they identify themselves. They are the experts in their own lives.

Sexpectations and Double Standards

As a female, the double standards are all too familiar. It's easy to give in to what's expected because that's what we are taught. However, I think that it's important to challenge why we are doing what we are doing and why certain things are expected in the first place. You'll find that a lot of it has to do with the standards buried deep within the norms of society, with nothing to do with logic, and everything to do with privilege vs. oppression.

I find myself thinking about this a lot. A lot of times, it leads me to belting out Kacey Musgrave's Follow Your Arrow which is all about double standards, and since there's no way to please everyone, the best option is to do the best thing for you. Thank goodness for artists who actually get this double-standard dilemma, especially when so many songs these days reinforce it.

For women, a huge area filled with intense amount of double pressures is sex. Women are expected to have sex with men, yet when they are, they are called whores, sluts, hoes, skanks, etc. How is this even fair? Well, it's definitely not. And when women are given the expectation to repay men's kindness with sex, it's something I like to call sexpectations.

To take a look at this topic, it's important to think about why it's this way. A lot of it is constructed by society and the patriarchal system that we live in. Women are so often expected to do things for men, sex included. That being said, there are many men who, after doing something nice for a woman, expect sex. And women tend to comply to that because it's a norm in society. If you read my last entry on consent, you know that sex is only okay with consent, which means both parties being 100% into it. This sort of pressure is not consent.

While women are depicted as the nurturing and emotional gender (qualities which there is nothing wrong with), men seem to have a much different agenda for "what makes a man." It includes anger as the only emotion, physical strength and sex with women. On television, movies and advertisements, successful, heroic men are often rewarded with lots of sex. If you haven't noticed, pay attention next time, you'll see it too.

The fact is that sex should be about equality, and less about who deserves what. No one, no matter the gender, should ever feel like they need to have sex with someone. You never owe anyone sex. It's not a crime to walk away - it's often something that means you are looking out for yourself. And of course, it's okay if you feel that you want to have sex, go for it!

As long as you are taking care of yourself and being honest with your partner, there should be no shame in doing so. I know that so many girls and women deal with being called a slut because they choose to engage in sexual activity, especially if it is casual. This is called slut-shaming (which is putting someone down for their sexual activity, how they behave, or who they date) and it is wrong.

 No one should have to deal with this because of the fact that they decide to have sex, especially since it is something that is not only personal, but something that can be great. Sex has many health benefits, and having sex does not mean a person does not respect themselves. By taking care of your body, setting up personal boundaries and doing what makes you feel good, you are respecting yourself.

To conclude, I hope that everyone has an awesome day. If that includes lots of great sex, I wish you all the best. And if that's not what you want, remember, you don't owe anyone anything.