What's Wrong With Sexy?

Summer is coming up, and that means a lot of short shorts, skirts, tank tops and bikinis. Being able to feel great about your body in those outfits is awesome. There's a lot of media that makes it hard to appreciate your own body. When you're able to wear those skin-showing pieces of clothing, feeling good about yourself, that's healthy. It shows you have a good self-esteem, and that's fantastic.

Unfortunately, not everyone feels that way. Many people find excuses to shame girls for what they wear. And that's part of what contributes to some girls having such a low self -esteem. It's common to make girls who dress like this feel like trash. Sluts. Whores. Skanks. You name it, I'm sure a lot of us gals have heard it all. 

The sad part is, what's wrong with showing off a part of your body you're proud of? I think that if you think you have great legs, you should show them off! Of course, there's always proper situations for that (I don't suggest you do it to an office workplace), but there are also great situations for wear short skirts and shorts too! 

What you wear has nothing to do with self-respect. Dressing a certain way is a form of self expression, and wearing "provocative" clothing does not mean you don't care about yourself. Here are some things that show you care about yourself: standing up for yourself, doing things you love, practicing self care... And it so happens, that wearing certain clothes doesn't take away from any of those things!

Then there are the people who say by dressing this way girls are "asking for it." Wrong! You cannot ask for it. By it I'm referring to things like sexual assault. NO ONE ASKS FOR IT. The only person at fault is the perpertrator. Also, sexual assault has to do with who seems most vulnerable, and who the assaulter can gain more of a sense of power from. It's not about attraction, just power. 

Our society is very flawed. No female should ever have to deal with slut shaming. Being proud of one's body should be seen as a great thing, and not something negative. Don't shame others for their clothing. And ladies, wear what you want and feel great about it. Because you should feel great about how you look. Every single body is beautiful.

Sexpectations and Double Standards

As a female, the double standards are all too familiar. It's easy to give in to what's expected because that's what we are taught. However, I think that it's important to challenge why we are doing what we are doing and why certain things are expected in the first place. You'll find that a lot of it has to do with the standards buried deep within the norms of society, with nothing to do with logic, and everything to do with privilege vs. oppression.

I find myself thinking about this a lot. A lot of times, it leads me to belting out Kacey Musgrave's Follow Your Arrow which is all about double standards, and since there's no way to please everyone, the best option is to do the best thing for you. Thank goodness for artists who actually get this double-standard dilemma, especially when so many songs these days reinforce it.

For women, a huge area filled with intense amount of double pressures is sex. Women are expected to have sex with men, yet when they are, they are called whores, sluts, hoes, skanks, etc. How is this even fair? Well, it's definitely not. And when women are given the expectation to repay men's kindness with sex, it's something I like to call sexpectations.

To take a look at this topic, it's important to think about why it's this way. A lot of it is constructed by society and the patriarchal system that we live in. Women are so often expected to do things for men, sex included. That being said, there are many men who, after doing something nice for a woman, expect sex. And women tend to comply to that because it's a norm in society. If you read my last entry on consent, you know that sex is only okay with consent, which means both parties being 100% into it. This sort of pressure is not consent.

While women are depicted as the nurturing and emotional gender (qualities which there is nothing wrong with), men seem to have a much different agenda for "what makes a man." It includes anger as the only emotion, physical strength and sex with women. On television, movies and advertisements, successful, heroic men are often rewarded with lots of sex. If you haven't noticed, pay attention next time, you'll see it too.

The fact is that sex should be about equality, and less about who deserves what. No one, no matter the gender, should ever feel like they need to have sex with someone. You never owe anyone sex. It's not a crime to walk away - it's often something that means you are looking out for yourself. And of course, it's okay if you feel that you want to have sex, go for it!

As long as you are taking care of yourself and being honest with your partner, there should be no shame in doing so. I know that so many girls and women deal with being called a slut because they choose to engage in sexual activity, especially if it is casual. This is called slut-shaming (which is putting someone down for their sexual activity, how they behave, or who they date) and it is wrong.

 No one should have to deal with this because of the fact that they decide to have sex, especially since it is something that is not only personal, but something that can be great. Sex has many health benefits, and having sex does not mean a person does not respect themselves. By taking care of your body, setting up personal boundaries and doing what makes you feel good, you are respecting yourself.

To conclude, I hope that everyone has an awesome day. If that includes lots of great sex, I wish you all the best. And if that's not what you want, remember, you don't owe anyone anything.