Wait, What About Men's Rights?

Recently, I've found there is a lot of talk surrounding men and their oppression. Many men have begun to speak up about them being demonized due to being thought of as rapists. Others have begun to fight for their "rights." I don't know anyone who doesn't deal with a form of oppression. We all have areas of our lives that make up more disadvantaged than others (as well as areas where we are more advantaged). People are layered, and there identity is not ever just made of one single element.

While keeping this in mind, I think that it's essential for women to be in the spotlight, fighting for their rights. Although we've progressed, we still live in a society that is male-dominated. Many men see this as them being attacked, and have decided that they want to do the same thing. And that's where some problems arise.

Undoubtedly, we live in a patriarchal society. Although women have much more job opportunities, it's still much harder for them to get jobs (and that's only one example of the sexism they face). While men face issues, they are more to do with past cultural norms and less to do with rights. It seems that every right a woman faces for is counteracted, and I think it's important to talk about what women's rights activism is needed, and it's not just an unnecessary hobby of extremists.

1. "Men get sexually assaulted too, and no one cares about that."
I think that anyone being sexually assaulted is terrible. Men have it so hard because they are often deemed as "weak" and that they need to "man up." I am an activism for male survivors' rights, because I don't think there's anywhere near enough support. However, a lot of these words that are used to put down this group, are actually words associated with females. Weak, for example, is used to put men down and make them feel that what they are saying is not valid. We need feminism because it seeks to validate that emotions and other attributes associated with women are wonderful things (in both women and men).

2. "Women get to wear clothing like short shorts, and then complain about being 'slut shamed.' Men just can't wear short shorts, period."
Of course, I definitely believe that clothing is a beautiful form of self-expression. Yes, society says it's bad for men to wear "skimpy" clothes, yet they are allowed to walk around with no shirts on. Women and girls on the other hand are surrounded by media telling them how skinny they have to be, and the moment they feel proud enough of their body to show it, they are put down (while men - media telling them to be strong and muscular - showing that off would not paint them as negative).

3. "Men are objectified and sexualized in the media too."
Of course. They media paints everyone as a sexual being. It's all about sex. While sex isn't always a bad thing, often the way it's portrayed in ads is. While both genders may be sexualized, it's interesting that in ads, men are constantly the dominant one. This gives an image to us viewers, that men are on top. Not by any fault of ours, but the psychological effect is more than we think.

4. "Women have pressures, but so do men. We have to be fit and strong."
It's sad that so many of the pressures do exist. But when you think about it, why is it so bad to not be strong? Because if you're not, you're weak. Being called a "girl" is one of the worst insults. And that's why this all relates back to how sexism exists (and yes, even men can face sexism from a men-are-better-than-women standpoint).

5. By saying things such as 'teach boys not to rape,' women are oppressing men."
The fact is that young girls are growing up being told how to be safe. Boys are taught nothing at all, while perpetrators are commonly male. This is not blaming all men, but saying that all children need to be taught about the issue, and not just girls. There are so many young boys who have been sexually abused, and by actually talking about it, they would not feel so stigmatized.

By no means am I saying men don't face problems too, because they do. What each person feels is 100% valid. But when it comes to the gender gap, it's common that little education leads to men feeling attacked, when it's not the idea at all. Women and men need to unite in order to create equity.

Consent 101

I've had quite a few conversations recently with people regarding the topic of sexual assault (after all, May is Sexual Assault Awareness Month). It saddens me, that although everyone can agree on the fact that rapists are the ones at fault, it's still implied by many that there are times where the survivor of the violence is too.

Men who have experienced this sort of violence are often shrugged off. Their assault is treated insignificant because so many people believe that men cannot get raped, while in face, they can. This is ridiculous, because man, woman or any other gender, if there is no consent, it is assault.

Women too are put down, but in other ways. They are often shamed for the way they are dressed, how sexually active they are, or for being under the influence of alcohol and/or drugs. Girls are taught how not to get raped and boys aren't being taught not to rape (not to say that all men, or even the majority of them, are rapists, but there definitely needs to be more education for them growing up).

Sexual assault has absolutely nothing to do with how a woman is dressed. It's about power. If it was about the way a person was dressing, women in full length clothing would never be assaulted. Neither would men or children. Yet, they are. And the reason is simple: it's about power, not the way a person dresses.

The same goes for a person who is under the influence of alcohol. Sex is only ever okay when there is consent. In Canada, the age of consent is sixteen (with exceptions, especially regarding peer-to-peer sexual relations). One thing however is stated clearly: a person who is under the influence cannot give consent.

About three months ago I was approached by an old friend who thanked me for my advocacy for survivors of sexual assault that I had been doing through social media. My only hope when I share these messages is that it can make an impact on other peoples' lives, even if "other people" only means one person. The moment I realized that what I was doing was, I felt more motivated than ever.

People who I have spoken with who are survivors have shared with me how often they felt blame and guilt on their own part. A lot of this has to do with the culture we live in, surrounded with excuses to shed light on rape. From jokes, to advertisements of men holding extreme power over women, this sort of violence isn't new to any of us.

The best thing to do is to be educated about consent, and use that knowledge to educate those around us. Here's some facts on the consent law in Canada:

• The legal age for consent is sixteen
• A person cannot give consent to pornography, prostitution or sex with a figure of authority unless they are eighteen
• The age for consent of anal sex is eighteen
• Exceptions: ages twelve and thirteen can consent to sexual activity with someone less than two years older than them; ages fourteen and fifteen can consent to someone less than five years older than them
• Someone under the influence of drugs and/or alcohol cannot give consent
• Consent means checking in with the person the entire way through, understanding both their verbal and body language

Consent isn't just sexy, it's essential. It's extremely important to be knowledgeable about it. Keep yourself, your friends and family informed about it, because all sex must be completely consensual! And of course, just as we all have the right to say no (whether that be verbal or nonverbal), we also have the right to say yes.