Valentine's Day is an Occasion for (Self) Love

I used to be someone who hated Valentine's Day. I mean, the moments leading up to it were fine. I had hope that some perfect gentleman would swoop in and ask me to be his Valentine. And then the day came, and I had to bask in the idea that I was single, without a date.

Let's be honest. Valentine's Day is all about the marketing. But I'm not a hater of the day. I think it's always great to spend time with your significant other. But if you're single, I don't think it's a time to focus on a loss either.

The real focus of the day is love. Love, for one, can be for friends and family, which is why I think it's a great idea to get together with a bunch of your single buds and have a date. But let's be real: we all sometimes feel like we are the only single one, and it's easy to feel down in the dumps because of that.

So, in that situation, how about focus on loving yourself? On being happy being you. So I've created a list of awesome things to do on a Valentine's date with yourself (although we all have our own ways, here are mine):

1. Dress up. I mean, you're on a date right? And it's with a pretty awesome person. So do it all up! For me, that's a hot bath followed by doing my hair, makeup and a mani-pedi, but it's different for everyone.

2. Light the candles. Why not have a romantic mood? Candles are awesome (as long as you're safe with them). It's a great way to relax and focus on yourself!

3. Eat chocolate. That's sort of a given. With all of the tasty goods in every single store possible, it's hard to resist anyways. Don't feel guilty chowing down on them either!

4. Watch chick flicks. This might sound a little weird, especially since most of these are romantic comedies (way to rub in that you're single??!). But hey, I refuse to be mourning a loss of love on a day dedicated to it. And it's important to remember that just because today you are single, doesn't mean you always will. Plus, you could always go the other route of chick flicks with embracing being single, like Legally Blonde, John Tucker Must Die, and The Other Woman.

5. Pizza. Or whatever your favourite order-in food is. Because you deserve to have an awesome meal. After all, it is a date. Plus, pizza is awesome.

6. Sleep. Who doesn't like sleep? My suggestion is a nice tea to relax, and then getting that beauty rest you need. It's a perfect way to end your date.

That's my ideal me-date anyways. We all have our own ways. Whatever it is, Happy Valentine's Day!

One Survivor's Story

Today is Bell Let's Talk, and is 1 of 365 days we should be having the exact same conversation...the conversation about the realness of mental illness. However, this day is a day where Bell Canada commits to raise awareness on mental illness, donating five cents to the cause for every text message sent, mobile call, sharing their Facebook image or tweeting #BellLetsTalk.

I've been wanting to share my personal story in regards to mental illness on here for a while. The reasons are to raise awareness, but also as a form of self-therapy. It seems like today seems appropriate to share. Before I do, I'd like to note that mine is one of millions. None is more important than any other, and there is no such thing as the "strongest survivor."

Picturing myself five years ago from today, you would see a completely different person. I had just come out of the hospital about a month prior, due to mental illness reasons, including being at risk of suicide. I was constantly on edge, sometimes being too hyper to manager, and other times uncontrollably crying. My arm still stung with the pain of my harmful coping mechanisms.

That year I had moved to a completely different city: I had a new home, new school, new family members, and new friends. That was enough to make it hard for any teenager, but I also had been struggling with mental illness for a while. In my old school, I had to be put in a separate classroom due to daily panic attacks and social anxiety. But I had the chance to start over now. New year, new me, right?

For a while, there seemed to be long periods of time where I was okay, before it came crashing down. And that's exactly what happened. Slowly, I became to unravel until my mind became flooded with thoughts of suicide. It wasn't even the fact that I wanted to do anything, I simply couldn't get rid of the thoughts or the unbearable pain. I soon was in the hospital where I would actually be able to get some help.


This was the lowest point I had ever been in. I had some, and I knew that I had the support of my family, but when you are in that state, you are often unable to think rationally. I had the constant feeling of anxiety in my chest and I felt the immense emotional pain. And I turned to cutting to release that pain.

After coming out of the hospital, everything still seemed grey. I don't remember the exact moment that things seemed bright, it just seemed that one day I realized that my life had actually fallen into place. It was only after medication, counselling and support of loved ones that I was able to feel like there was hope for me. And that took a long time.

Later, I found strength in many like-minded friends through a group I began volunteering with called POSSE Project (which has become my inspiration). Some of them had mental illness, some of them didn't, but all of them had a passion for social justice. I began spending my time involved in something greater than myself.

Today, I am far from perfect. I still take medication, and I still need to rely on support, whether it be family, friends, or even professionals. I live with anxiety and bipolar disorder, and I've learned to except it and to cope with it positively. It's a part of me, but it isn't me. I am defined by a million other things, like my passion for creating community change, or the joy I get from writing, or my probably-too-much love of television shows. I, like millions of others deal with mental illness. It's real, but it doesn't define anyone.

I hope that someone reading my story might find that they feel less alone. Or that someone else feels more aware of the issue. Because although what I've gone through is something very significant to me, other people have equally significant stories too. I encourage everyone to reflect on that. To realize both the struggles and strengths that those who deal or have dealt with mental illness face, and that all those labels are far from accurate. It shouldn't a taboo topic. It's real. Let's create a community of support for those around us.

The Trouble with Romina Garcia

Lately, a lot has been going around regarding Romina Garcia (also known as Romina Kardashian) and her videos and posts regarding domestic violence. For those of you who don't know, Romina is a popular girl on social media. She is well-known for a recent video of hers, where she tells girls all over that if their boyfriend beats them, it means that he loves them and therefore they should stay with them.

Now, this video is very problematic in many different ways. For most of us, those ways are quite obvious. Abuse is about power and not love. No one deserves abuse and should have to put up with it. Even if most people will not fall for this message, there are young girls who will take Romina's advice. Although she has taken the original video down on YouTube, she has re-posted it on Facebook, where she continues to give messages of violence and slut-shaming using social media. (I won't get into my issues with her use of the N word either.)

Like I have said, there are many issues with Romina's message. However, I find there are problems in the responses of many people as well. I am in no way saying that I support her and what she is doing, or am even the slightest bit okay with it. I'm not. But we have to dig deeper in order to see what's really going on.

Is this a way of getting attention and millions of views? There's a high chance that causing an uproar is only for attention. While the idea that she is stating this publicly is outrageous, the fact is, there are many women who actually believe that their partners abuse them out of love. And while I do not support Romina, I do support  the strength and resilience of survivors of domestic violence,

Many individuals who are victim to this sort of violence feel trapped in their relationship. Regardless of their decision to stay or leave, they are never at fault. It is always the fault of the abuser. Many people, in order to survive, associate positive qualities with their abuser. This is called Stockholme Syndrome.

While it might seem like a good idea to call Romina out for her ignorance on the topic, calling her names such as stupid for believing that her boyfriend is beating her out of love is also putting down many other victims of abuse who feel the same about their partners. Yes, there are many reasons why I can understand why people are pinning her as foolish, but thinking that her boyfriend beating her up is out of love is not one of them. This is a serious issue that we all need to think about.

That being said, I do hope that this video is taken down. I will continue to report her social media pages because in no way are they acceptable.

What Guys Really Think of Girls Who...

Maybe it's been going around more than usual lately, or maybe I'm just more aware of it, but there's been a lot of posts on Facebook and social media about what guys really think of girls who... Whether it's wearing something, acting a certain way or something else, it creates the idea that girls do everything for guys.

And no, I'm not pointing fingers at any specific gender. This isn't just an issue of (certain) men thinking that women's lives revolve around them. It's a societal issue that all genders take part in. The fact is that many girls and women actually (*gasp) do things for themselves not not for the attention for men. 

I think that a big part of it is how the media portrays relationships. Let's be honest, the vast majority of television and movies about women, still revolves around men. Girls grow up thinking that they need to find Mr. Right. And if they can't? Well that would be a disaster, wouldn't it? Oh, and if you're a girl who isn't into guys, then you're out of luck there. (I hope you sense my sarcasm.)

But I think it's important to realize that many times when girls do things, it's for themselves (and that's completely okay!) There's this notion that if a girl goes out dressed up, she must be doing it for someone else (and by someone, I mean a guy). I myself have been asked many times if I'm going on a date, just because I'm wearing a pair of earrings I like. And in wearing them, I wasn't thinking of anything else except, "These look nice with my outfit. I want to wear them today."

So let's get this straight, to anyone posting these posts up on social media. Good for you. But maybe, just maybe the intention had nothing to do with caring about what guys thought. And so, you're post is a bit pointless there. Of course, some girls might be trying to impress a guy, and that's okay too. But I also think it's important for those girls to know that their worth isn't dependent on whether a guy approves or not. 

All in all, it's important to do things for yourself, no matter what your gender is. And it's a good thing. Whoever said that it makes you cocky and full of yourself obviously didn't know what they are talking about. Because a huge part of having a fulfilled life is being happy in your own skin. 

Expertise and Identitities

Through recent experiences, I have been thinking a lot about my identity and the identity of others. Identity is extremely complex and made up of millions of things, both little and big. And when it comes down to it, each of us is the expert on who we are...and no one has the right to question it.

This leads to the whole idea of trying to understand someone else's identity. It's so easy to try to wrap our minds around it, but hard to actually understand it. Why? Because to REALLY understand a person, we'd have to know literally everything about them, feel exactly what they are feeling and go through all of the same things. And let's face it, even if we have had similar experiences, it doesn't mean we know how they felt. It's impossible to fully comprehend.

That then goes to say, who are we to tell a person who they are? And the answer is absolutely no one! We are experts in our own lives and only our own lives. Even if we are peers, we only can represent our own experiences. And each of us experiences things differently.

In the end, it's so important just to accept that fact, that we don't know everything. Empathy over sympathy...simply acknowledge that each individual knows best about themselves. There's no need to question it further. We all have quite complex stories to tell, and instead of placing labels, let's celebrate the diversity of identities.

The Art of Imperfection

One of the members of the rehabilitation program that I work at told me something that I thought was quite profound. He, being a very talented artist was showing me some pieces of his work. He explained to me how a friend of his did similar work, but used special tools in order to perfect it, making every single line look flawless. But then he told me how that doing that wasn't art - that something like that could be done on the computer - and that real art was about having those flaws.

That really made me think. I like to think of people as art. I mean, we are, aren't we? Each of us are outlined uniquely. We have curves. We are each pigmented uniquely. And none of us are the same. Now really, what would be the point of having airbrushed skin? Of hair that falls in exactly the right place? Having no flaws would make us products. Instead, we are all masterpieces, and we need to remember that.

It's so easy to get wrapped up in judging ourselves critically for how we look. It's especially easy to do when we are surrounded by images of models. But models that are flawless don't exist in reality. And even if they did, wouldn't they be a bit boring? There is such beauty in imperfection!

Just a concept to ponder. It's so cliche to say that everyone is beautiful. But it's in fact true. We are all beautiful pieces of art work. Every single line and shape are part of that, and part of what makes us so incredible.

He's Totally Whipped

Let's go over this term "whipped." What does it really mean? As most of you know, I'm not talking about a strip of leather - I'm talking about the term describing the slang term that describes a person being controlled by their partner in a relationship (usually a male being controlled by a female). For the sake of it being a slang, I've taken the top definition from Urban Dictionary.

My issue with this isn't the term itself, but more how it's used. I believe healthy relationships should be based on a form of equality, and that controlling relationships are in fact, unhealthy. But the real problem is the context this word is used in. Often, people use it to describe a man who respects women.

I know for a fact that people will deny this. But think about it. I guy who treats his girlfriend with respect, especially around his friends, is often considered "whipped." Who doesn't engage in crude conversations about her, is "whipped." I'm not saying this is always the case, but it is for many.

There is nothing wrong with love. It is often frowned upon for a man to show emotions, and when he does, such as love, it can be looked at negatively. We know that this doesn't work the other way around. Women are in fact expected to be more nurturing, and willing to show their caring side. But it's hard for a man to without him being judged.

I think it's time that we change this. Instead of making it out to be a bad thing, a man treating his girlfriend right should be celebrated. Again, there are many times where the term "whipped" is used correctly, but there are many cases it isn't. And in those cases, we're making it seem like it's a bad thing for women to be respected, which in turn affects all of us.

Let's build relationships based on complete respect, and stop putting people down for doing so. We all deserve to be treated that way, and should never be put down for doing so.