One Survivor's Story

Today is Bell Let's Talk, and is 1 of 365 days we should be having the exact same conversation...the conversation about the realness of mental illness. However, this day is a day where Bell Canada commits to raise awareness on mental illness, donating five cents to the cause for every text message sent, mobile call, sharing their Facebook image or tweeting #BellLetsTalk.

I've been wanting to share my personal story in regards to mental illness on here for a while. The reasons are to raise awareness, but also as a form of self-therapy. It seems like today seems appropriate to share. Before I do, I'd like to note that mine is one of millions. None is more important than any other, and there is no such thing as the "strongest survivor."

Picturing myself five years ago from today, you would see a completely different person. I had just come out of the hospital about a month prior, due to mental illness reasons, including being at risk of suicide. I was constantly on edge, sometimes being too hyper to manager, and other times uncontrollably crying. My arm still stung with the pain of my harmful coping mechanisms.

That year I had moved to a completely different city: I had a new home, new school, new family members, and new friends. That was enough to make it hard for any teenager, but I also had been struggling with mental illness for a while. In my old school, I had to be put in a separate classroom due to daily panic attacks and social anxiety. But I had the chance to start over now. New year, new me, right?

For a while, there seemed to be long periods of time where I was okay, before it came crashing down. And that's exactly what happened. Slowly, I became to unravel until my mind became flooded with thoughts of suicide. It wasn't even the fact that I wanted to do anything, I simply couldn't get rid of the thoughts or the unbearable pain. I soon was in the hospital where I would actually be able to get some help.


This was the lowest point I had ever been in. I had some, and I knew that I had the support of my family, but when you are in that state, you are often unable to think rationally. I had the constant feeling of anxiety in my chest and I felt the immense emotional pain. And I turned to cutting to release that pain.

After coming out of the hospital, everything still seemed grey. I don't remember the exact moment that things seemed bright, it just seemed that one day I realized that my life had actually fallen into place. It was only after medication, counselling and support of loved ones that I was able to feel like there was hope for me. And that took a long time.

Later, I found strength in many like-minded friends through a group I began volunteering with called POSSE Project (which has become my inspiration). Some of them had mental illness, some of them didn't, but all of them had a passion for social justice. I began spending my time involved in something greater than myself.

Today, I am far from perfect. I still take medication, and I still need to rely on support, whether it be family, friends, or even professionals. I live with anxiety and bipolar disorder, and I've learned to except it and to cope with it positively. It's a part of me, but it isn't me. I am defined by a million other things, like my passion for creating community change, or the joy I get from writing, or my probably-too-much love of television shows. I, like millions of others deal with mental illness. It's real, but it doesn't define anyone.

I hope that someone reading my story might find that they feel less alone. Or that someone else feels more aware of the issue. Because although what I've gone through is something very significant to me, other people have equally significant stories too. I encourage everyone to reflect on that. To realize both the struggles and strengths that those who deal or have dealt with mental illness face, and that all those labels are far from accurate. It shouldn't a taboo topic. It's real. Let's create a community of support for those around us.

Stigma Stinks

Stigma. It's something that surrounds those of us who deal with mental illness. Whether it be being called crazy, or being treated as something that needs "fixing," it can be hard dealing with something so misunderstood. I for one have first-hand experience in this, and it's something that can be extremely hard to deal with.

There are many causes for mental illness including chemical imbalances in the brain, biology and life events. There's usually not one explanation, however, people who deal with a mental illness often are looked at as if there is. Many people in medical and counselling professions look at them as something broken. It's not as easy as finding one solution. Mental illness is very layered.

I am a single person, and would never say that I understand all people who have dealt with mental health problems, even if they are the same as mine. Every person experiences things differently. For myself, it was never as simple as being told what to do. I had to come to find my own coping methods in my own terms, and not by people getting mad at me for not trying the right thing.

Mental illness is misunderstood, and often isolated people who deal with it. Some people find it harder to accept them because they are "different" (while in fact there is such a high percentage of people who deal with it - 1 in 5 people have a mental illness!). Whether it's pitying them or not including them, it makes it tougher. Having a mental illness can deeply affect one's mind, and they already feel isolated enough.

For myself, there are many things that are harder to control. I deal with both bipolar and anxiety. Some days I will feel so anxious that I can hardly function. However, because it's not a physical illness, people often shrug it off. However, having a good mental health is especially important too.

Movies and television shows don't help either. References are made to "psychos" all the time. I remember the horror movie The Roomate where the main antagonist was a girl who suffered from either bipolar or schizophrenia, and by not taking her medication, she was lashing out and attacking people. When the other characters in the film found out about this, they made a big deal about the fact that she suffered with either for these. Of course, in the news, we only hear about mental illness in terms of people with it killing people or an act of violence. This paints them as dangerous. Yes, there are those who are. But definitely not everyone.

I could go on and on about the many stereotypes there are. I think that in the end it's important to be educated about mental health. The fact is that every single person does have a mental health. And just because you have a mental illness, doesn't mean you have a bad mental health, just as having no mental illness doesn't mean you have a good mental health. It's all about self care not only for your body, but also your mind.

I like to speak out about my experiences. There's so many misconceptions out there, and many people who feel extremely alone. It shouldn't be something to be ashamed of. It's important to educate others about it, because it's often the "elephant in the room." I feel that it's time we start learning the truth about mental illness and start challenging the stigma.