He's Totally Whipped

Let's go over this term "whipped." What does it really mean? As most of you know, I'm not talking about a strip of leather - I'm talking about the term describing the slang term that describes a person being controlled by their partner in a relationship (usually a male being controlled by a female). For the sake of it being a slang, I've taken the top definition from Urban Dictionary.

My issue with this isn't the term itself, but more how it's used. I believe healthy relationships should be based on a form of equality, and that controlling relationships are in fact, unhealthy. But the real problem is the context this word is used in. Often, people use it to describe a man who respects women.

I know for a fact that people will deny this. But think about it. I guy who treats his girlfriend with respect, especially around his friends, is often considered "whipped." Who doesn't engage in crude conversations about her, is "whipped." I'm not saying this is always the case, but it is for many.

There is nothing wrong with love. It is often frowned upon for a man to show emotions, and when he does, such as love, it can be looked at negatively. We know that this doesn't work the other way around. Women are in fact expected to be more nurturing, and willing to show their caring side. But it's hard for a man to without him being judged.

I think it's time that we change this. Instead of making it out to be a bad thing, a man treating his girlfriend right should be celebrated. Again, there are many times where the term "whipped" is used correctly, but there are many cases it isn't. And in those cases, we're making it seem like it's a bad thing for women to be respected, which in turn affects all of us.

Let's build relationships based on complete respect, and stop putting people down for doing so. We all deserve to be treated that way, and should never be put down for doing so.

Wait, What About Men's Rights?

Recently, I've found there is a lot of talk surrounding men and their oppression. Many men have begun to speak up about them being demonized due to being thought of as rapists. Others have begun to fight for their "rights." I don't know anyone who doesn't deal with a form of oppression. We all have areas of our lives that make up more disadvantaged than others (as well as areas where we are more advantaged). People are layered, and there identity is not ever just made of one single element.

While keeping this in mind, I think that it's essential for women to be in the spotlight, fighting for their rights. Although we've progressed, we still live in a society that is male-dominated. Many men see this as them being attacked, and have decided that they want to do the same thing. And that's where some problems arise.

Undoubtedly, we live in a patriarchal society. Although women have much more job opportunities, it's still much harder for them to get jobs (and that's only one example of the sexism they face). While men face issues, they are more to do with past cultural norms and less to do with rights. It seems that every right a woman faces for is counteracted, and I think it's important to talk about what women's rights activism is needed, and it's not just an unnecessary hobby of extremists.

1. "Men get sexually assaulted too, and no one cares about that."
I think that anyone being sexually assaulted is terrible. Men have it so hard because they are often deemed as "weak" and that they need to "man up." I am an activism for male survivors' rights, because I don't think there's anywhere near enough support. However, a lot of these words that are used to put down this group, are actually words associated with females. Weak, for example, is used to put men down and make them feel that what they are saying is not valid. We need feminism because it seeks to validate that emotions and other attributes associated with women are wonderful things (in both women and men).

2. "Women get to wear clothing like short shorts, and then complain about being 'slut shamed.' Men just can't wear short shorts, period."
Of course, I definitely believe that clothing is a beautiful form of self-expression. Yes, society says it's bad for men to wear "skimpy" clothes, yet they are allowed to walk around with no shirts on. Women and girls on the other hand are surrounded by media telling them how skinny they have to be, and the moment they feel proud enough of their body to show it, they are put down (while men - media telling them to be strong and muscular - showing that off would not paint them as negative).

3. "Men are objectified and sexualized in the media too."
Of course. They media paints everyone as a sexual being. It's all about sex. While sex isn't always a bad thing, often the way it's portrayed in ads is. While both genders may be sexualized, it's interesting that in ads, men are constantly the dominant one. This gives an image to us viewers, that men are on top. Not by any fault of ours, but the psychological effect is more than we think.

4. "Women have pressures, but so do men. We have to be fit and strong."
It's sad that so many of the pressures do exist. But when you think about it, why is it so bad to not be strong? Because if you're not, you're weak. Being called a "girl" is one of the worst insults. And that's why this all relates back to how sexism exists (and yes, even men can face sexism from a men-are-better-than-women standpoint).

5. By saying things such as 'teach boys not to rape,' women are oppressing men."
The fact is that young girls are growing up being told how to be safe. Boys are taught nothing at all, while perpetrators are commonly male. This is not blaming all men, but saying that all children need to be taught about the issue, and not just girls. There are so many young boys who have been sexually abused, and by actually talking about it, they would not feel so stigmatized.

By no means am I saying men don't face problems too, because they do. What each person feels is 100% valid. But when it comes to the gender gap, it's common that little education leads to men feeling attacked, when it's not the idea at all. Women and men need to unite in order to create equity.