The Trouble with Romina Garcia

Lately, a lot has been going around regarding Romina Garcia (also known as Romina Kardashian) and her videos and posts regarding domestic violence. For those of you who don't know, Romina is a popular girl on social media. She is well-known for a recent video of hers, where she tells girls all over that if their boyfriend beats them, it means that he loves them and therefore they should stay with them.

Now, this video is very problematic in many different ways. For most of us, those ways are quite obvious. Abuse is about power and not love. No one deserves abuse and should have to put up with it. Even if most people will not fall for this message, there are young girls who will take Romina's advice. Although she has taken the original video down on YouTube, she has re-posted it on Facebook, where she continues to give messages of violence and slut-shaming using social media. (I won't get into my issues with her use of the N word either.)

Like I have said, there are many issues with Romina's message. However, I find there are problems in the responses of many people as well. I am in no way saying that I support her and what she is doing, or am even the slightest bit okay with it. I'm not. But we have to dig deeper in order to see what's really going on.

Is this a way of getting attention and millions of views? There's a high chance that causing an uproar is only for attention. While the idea that she is stating this publicly is outrageous, the fact is, there are many women who actually believe that their partners abuse them out of love. And while I do not support Romina, I do support  the strength and resilience of survivors of domestic violence,

Many individuals who are victim to this sort of violence feel trapped in their relationship. Regardless of their decision to stay or leave, they are never at fault. It is always the fault of the abuser. Many people, in order to survive, associate positive qualities with their abuser. This is called Stockholme Syndrome.

While it might seem like a good idea to call Romina out for her ignorance on the topic, calling her names such as stupid for believing that her boyfriend is beating her out of love is also putting down many other victims of abuse who feel the same about their partners. Yes, there are many reasons why I can understand why people are pinning her as foolish, but thinking that her boyfriend beating her up is out of love is not one of them. This is a serious issue that we all need to think about.

That being said, I do hope that this video is taken down. I will continue to report her social media pages because in no way are they acceptable.

What Guys Really Think of Girls Who...

Maybe it's been going around more than usual lately, or maybe I'm just more aware of it, but there's been a lot of posts on Facebook and social media about what guys really think of girls who... Whether it's wearing something, acting a certain way or something else, it creates the idea that girls do everything for guys.

And no, I'm not pointing fingers at any specific gender. This isn't just an issue of (certain) men thinking that women's lives revolve around them. It's a societal issue that all genders take part in. The fact is that many girls and women actually (*gasp) do things for themselves not not for the attention for men. 

I think that a big part of it is how the media portrays relationships. Let's be honest, the vast majority of television and movies about women, still revolves around men. Girls grow up thinking that they need to find Mr. Right. And if they can't? Well that would be a disaster, wouldn't it? Oh, and if you're a girl who isn't into guys, then you're out of luck there. (I hope you sense my sarcasm.)

But I think it's important to realize that many times when girls do things, it's for themselves (and that's completely okay!) There's this notion that if a girl goes out dressed up, she must be doing it for someone else (and by someone, I mean a guy). I myself have been asked many times if I'm going on a date, just because I'm wearing a pair of earrings I like. And in wearing them, I wasn't thinking of anything else except, "These look nice with my outfit. I want to wear them today."

So let's get this straight, to anyone posting these posts up on social media. Good for you. But maybe, just maybe the intention had nothing to do with caring about what guys thought. And so, you're post is a bit pointless there. Of course, some girls might be trying to impress a guy, and that's okay too. But I also think it's important for those girls to know that their worth isn't dependent on whether a guy approves or not. 

All in all, it's important to do things for yourself, no matter what your gender is. And it's a good thing. Whoever said that it makes you cocky and full of yourself obviously didn't know what they are talking about. Because a huge part of having a fulfilled life is being happy in your own skin. 

Expertise and Identitities

Through recent experiences, I have been thinking a lot about my identity and the identity of others. Identity is extremely complex and made up of millions of things, both little and big. And when it comes down to it, each of us is the expert on who we are...and no one has the right to question it.

This leads to the whole idea of trying to understand someone else's identity. It's so easy to try to wrap our minds around it, but hard to actually understand it. Why? Because to REALLY understand a person, we'd have to know literally everything about them, feel exactly what they are feeling and go through all of the same things. And let's face it, even if we have had similar experiences, it doesn't mean we know how they felt. It's impossible to fully comprehend.

That then goes to say, who are we to tell a person who they are? And the answer is absolutely no one! We are experts in our own lives and only our own lives. Even if we are peers, we only can represent our own experiences. And each of us experiences things differently.

In the end, it's so important just to accept that fact, that we don't know everything. Empathy over sympathy...simply acknowledge that each individual knows best about themselves. There's no need to question it further. We all have quite complex stories to tell, and instead of placing labels, let's celebrate the diversity of identities.

The Art of Imperfection

One of the members of the rehabilitation program that I work at told me something that I thought was quite profound. He, being a very talented artist was showing me some pieces of his work. He explained to me how a friend of his did similar work, but used special tools in order to perfect it, making every single line look flawless. But then he told me how that doing that wasn't art - that something like that could be done on the computer - and that real art was about having those flaws.

That really made me think. I like to think of people as art. I mean, we are, aren't we? Each of us are outlined uniquely. We have curves. We are each pigmented uniquely. And none of us are the same. Now really, what would be the point of having airbrushed skin? Of hair that falls in exactly the right place? Having no flaws would make us products. Instead, we are all masterpieces, and we need to remember that.

It's so easy to get wrapped up in judging ourselves critically for how we look. It's especially easy to do when we are surrounded by images of models. But models that are flawless don't exist in reality. And even if they did, wouldn't they be a bit boring? There is such beauty in imperfection!

Just a concept to ponder. It's so cliche to say that everyone is beautiful. But it's in fact true. We are all beautiful pieces of art work. Every single line and shape are part of that, and part of what makes us so incredible.

He's Totally Whipped

Let's go over this term "whipped." What does it really mean? As most of you know, I'm not talking about a strip of leather - I'm talking about the term describing the slang term that describes a person being controlled by their partner in a relationship (usually a male being controlled by a female). For the sake of it being a slang, I've taken the top definition from Urban Dictionary.

My issue with this isn't the term itself, but more how it's used. I believe healthy relationships should be based on a form of equality, and that controlling relationships are in fact, unhealthy. But the real problem is the context this word is used in. Often, people use it to describe a man who respects women.

I know for a fact that people will deny this. But think about it. I guy who treats his girlfriend with respect, especially around his friends, is often considered "whipped." Who doesn't engage in crude conversations about her, is "whipped." I'm not saying this is always the case, but it is for many.

There is nothing wrong with love. It is often frowned upon for a man to show emotions, and when he does, such as love, it can be looked at negatively. We know that this doesn't work the other way around. Women are in fact expected to be more nurturing, and willing to show their caring side. But it's hard for a man to without him being judged.

I think it's time that we change this. Instead of making it out to be a bad thing, a man treating his girlfriend right should be celebrated. Again, there are many times where the term "whipped" is used correctly, but there are many cases it isn't. And in those cases, we're making it seem like it's a bad thing for women to be respected, which in turn affects all of us.

Let's build relationships based on complete respect, and stop putting people down for doing so. We all deserve to be treated that way, and should never be put down for doing so.

Changing Our Vocabulary

It's quite sad when you think about it. Our vocabulary is filled which such negative words that we simply pass off as everyday language. And for many of us, it rarely - or never - crosses our minds. It's so easy to aimlessly walk through our lives, excusing what we say as what we were taught. Which in a sense is valid, but it's also our job as members of society to question things.

I'm talking about more than just saying "gay" or "retarded." Those are common ones, ones that are easy to pick out. I cringe when a person uses those words out of context. But yet it's so easy to not think twice about the abundance of other words.

What am I talking about? Dumb. Insane. Lame. Those are just a few of the many. The thing is, they often have to do with inability, therefore supporting abilism. And I find that people often find excuses, saying that people are just looking for new ways to be offended, which is most definitely not the case. The language creates a barrier for those who deal with a disability. How is an individual supposed to feel accepted when everyday language puts them down?

I'm not saying that using this language makes a person bad, or anything of the sort. My point is that there is great importance in recognizing that using disabling language is a problem. Nothing is going to happen overnight, and trying to change may prove to be a more difficult task than expected. But by questioning our language and trying our best to change it, we break free of being walking, talking zombies of society.

Just because saying certain words is a norm, doesn't mean it should be. I think it's so important to question everything, to unlearn the things that may be the norm, but may also be wrong.

My New Lens On Mental Illness

Working at the Canadian Mental Health Association has definitely given me a beautiful new insight on life. Mental illness for me has always been seen through a certain lens due to my own personal experience. But now, I've had to chance to see so much beyond that.

We all view the world in a unique way, but I think it's important to challenge that. I think that the stigma that surrounds mental illness really clouds the visions of many people, including those who have gone through their own personal battles. I think it's important to realize that no matter how advanced a person might be in opening their mind and unlearning things, that there are always new things to unlearn too.

These are honestly the most resilient individuals I have ever met. Each of them have gone through so much, more than I can even begin to imagine. And yes, they may have their downfalls. But in the end, they have made such positive changes in their lives.

I am so much more passionate about the importance of putting yourself at the same level as another. Even in a career such a social work, I think filling the gap where the social worker is above or more knowledgeable than the client is needed. Being able to work hand-in-hand and using tactics such as peer support is needed in the social services.

I have become so much more appreciative of the everyday activities contributing to  my self-care that I have overlooked. Things like taking the time to prepare a healthy meal, going on walks and participating in my own hobbies. Those are the very things that are easily put to the side. But by seeing these individuals thrive from such simple things, I have come to realize their importance.

All in all, I have been newly inspired. I love gaining new ways of looking at the world. It creates a new layer in my life where I can fill be passion, insight and understanding.

It Starts With Elementary

People often think of high school as the peak of bullying, mean kids and stereotypes. In many situations, yes it is. But it's often forgotten how hard it can be in elementary school too. In fact, for many children, this is when they begin to develop ideas and labels that influence high school cliques and groups. 

One of my major issues with elementary schools is their lack of support for LGBT kids. I'm not saying that all schools are this way, but there is a large amount of them. Teachers often shrug off the comments such as "gay." I remember being in second grade and my classmates telling me that the word gay was an insult to boys. My teacher, who ended up being part of the situation, didn't even take that opportunity to educate us students. 

Many children come out during these years. As they start to learn about sex in school, they fail to learn that sex isn't just a thing between man and woman. I'm not saying they should go in detail, but they definitely need to discuss that sexuality is very diverse. 

This is where so many ideologies come from. By not having the proper education and support, children either grow up feeling neglected, or form negative opinions of the LGBT community. I hear about so much bullying that goes on due to this, and so little is done about it. It's not just kids being kids. It's a serious issue that needs to be addressed. 

Unfortuantly, we can't just change the school system overnight. But I think it's important that supportive parents and teachers take the time to provide proper education. For myself, I know that I grew up with negative opinions on people within the LGBT community, and it took me branching off from what I was taught to discover the truth for myself (and I now identify as part of the community). If you know anyone who looks up to you, take time to educate them. That's the key to creating healthier school environments and a generation that embraces sexual and gender diversity. 

Of Heritage and Fitting In

For as long as I can remember, I haven't been the biggest fan of my eyes. It's one thing that has left me most insecure. Although it's human to worry about appearances, I think a lot of it has to do with what we are told is beautiful. People around me have often laughed at how my eyes look, and whether it be joking or not, it certainly has an effect on me.

Being part Vietnamese, I am looked at a certain way. Like all races, there are stereotypes. I think the Vietnamese culture is wonderful and beautiful, but having a family who is very much Canadian (and white skinned), I've always felt like a bit of an outsider. In order to fit in into a lot of groups, I feel like I have to clarify that I am in fact part Canadian.

This is horrible. And I know that a lot of people deal with it. We're okay with your race as long as you act like us is an attitude I have seen a lot. We live in a Westernized culture where people who don't fit into the norms are often not included.

Racist jokes and attitudes do have a huge effect on people. For example, as a kid I was always picked on and told that I was a "nerd." Although by definition, that would make me really smart, and that would be great, I was an average student. And I didn't like being told who I was and it made me want to prove to people otherwise, so I tried to lower my grades in school.

It's not uncommon for people to make jokes about my eyes either. What eyes? Open your eyes. Can you even see? It's very familiar. And it creates internalized oppression that I associate these negative comments with my heritage. While in fact, heritage should be anything but something to be ashamed of. Who we are is something that is wonderful.

I've started to take a step back and think. Why are all these things so bad anyways? My background should be something to be proud of! There should be absolutely wrong with me expressing it because it's a huge part of me. Learning new things about myself feels great, and I love realizing how beautiful my physical attributes associated with the culture's people are.

It's important that we learn to embrace each other's heritage. That we learn about racial diversity, and how one vast culture is unique to every single person. By surrounding ourselves with people who are different than us, it opens a whole new perspective. Instead of relying on stereotypes and having a common ground of living in a Western culture, how about we take the time to get to know each person and the unique culture they have created for themselves?

Stigma Stinks

Stigma. It's something that surrounds those of us who deal with mental illness. Whether it be being called crazy, or being treated as something that needs "fixing," it can be hard dealing with something so misunderstood. I for one have first-hand experience in this, and it's something that can be extremely hard to deal with.

There are many causes for mental illness including chemical imbalances in the brain, biology and life events. There's usually not one explanation, however, people who deal with a mental illness often are looked at as if there is. Many people in medical and counselling professions look at them as something broken. It's not as easy as finding one solution. Mental illness is very layered.

I am a single person, and would never say that I understand all people who have dealt with mental health problems, even if they are the same as mine. Every person experiences things differently. For myself, it was never as simple as being told what to do. I had to come to find my own coping methods in my own terms, and not by people getting mad at me for not trying the right thing.

Mental illness is misunderstood, and often isolated people who deal with it. Some people find it harder to accept them because they are "different" (while in fact there is such a high percentage of people who deal with it - 1 in 5 people have a mental illness!). Whether it's pitying them or not including them, it makes it tougher. Having a mental illness can deeply affect one's mind, and they already feel isolated enough.

For myself, there are many things that are harder to control. I deal with both bipolar and anxiety. Some days I will feel so anxious that I can hardly function. However, because it's not a physical illness, people often shrug it off. However, having a good mental health is especially important too.

Movies and television shows don't help either. References are made to "psychos" all the time. I remember the horror movie The Roomate where the main antagonist was a girl who suffered from either bipolar or schizophrenia, and by not taking her medication, she was lashing out and attacking people. When the other characters in the film found out about this, they made a big deal about the fact that she suffered with either for these. Of course, in the news, we only hear about mental illness in terms of people with it killing people or an act of violence. This paints them as dangerous. Yes, there are those who are. But definitely not everyone.

I could go on and on about the many stereotypes there are. I think that in the end it's important to be educated about mental health. The fact is that every single person does have a mental health. And just because you have a mental illness, doesn't mean you have a bad mental health, just as having no mental illness doesn't mean you have a good mental health. It's all about self care not only for your body, but also your mind.

I like to speak out about my experiences. There's so many misconceptions out there, and many people who feel extremely alone. It shouldn't be something to be ashamed of. It's important to educate others about it, because it's often the "elephant in the room." I feel that it's time we start learning the truth about mental illness and start challenging the stigma.

Frozen: The Story of a True Beauty Queen

I love Disney, but I have to admit it sends out a lot of superficial messages to young girls. Growing up, I longed for fair skin, pretty dresses and my own Prince Charming. It seemed like the ultimate goal. Once I had all of those things, I could finally be happy. Looking back, those messages are horrible, and blinds girls from seeing that there is so much more to life than how they look and finding true love.

The vast majority of us know about Disney's newest movie Frozen. And I can't lie - I'm still belting out the songs (not that I can sing). As much as the movie is sweet and fun, I found it was full of so much more positive messages than past films.

Elsa, is in so many ways a character that I look up to. Fictional, maybe, but with being so influenced with princesses I could never come close to being like, it's nice to be able to connect with one of them. Elsa is a newly crowned queen with what is seemingly a dangerous power (hence the name Frozen) and is full of wonderful character traits.

What I found great, in my opinion, was her view on love. After meeting someone for just a day, her sister Anna is ready to marry him. Elsa openly does not think this is a good idea. Why? Because love isn't as simple as meeting a prince and marrying him - and it's also not the only form of happiness. Elsa, throughout the movie has no romantic love interest (nor does she want to) and is completely happy that way. I think it shows girls that there's an important in loving yourself first.

Her bold character also shows that women are strong and resilient beings. Elsa is a queen, and she doesn't need a king to help her out. Her whole life, she has been in her room, isolated from the world. And yet, she has such strength and will. She makes mistakes (I  mean, she freezes over her entire kingdom and nearly kills her sister), but shows that the real power is not in being perfect, but in taking responsibility.

Her famous song Let It Go shows a lovely transformation from who she is expected to be and who she wants to be. I think that it's so important that girls know that they don't have to follow the norms. There are so many pressures out there, and knowing that you can simply be yourself is an important thing.

All in all, I feel that Elsa is a well-rounded character. Disney has still stuck to what society believes as beautiful (sadly), making its princesses petite and fair, however this time at least they have added some character. Elsa is the ultimate beauty queen, and it's not because of her hair or stunning blue dress, but because of her kick-ass personality.

Wait, What About Men's Rights?

Recently, I've found there is a lot of talk surrounding men and their oppression. Many men have begun to speak up about them being demonized due to being thought of as rapists. Others have begun to fight for their "rights." I don't know anyone who doesn't deal with a form of oppression. We all have areas of our lives that make up more disadvantaged than others (as well as areas where we are more advantaged). People are layered, and there identity is not ever just made of one single element.

While keeping this in mind, I think that it's essential for women to be in the spotlight, fighting for their rights. Although we've progressed, we still live in a society that is male-dominated. Many men see this as them being attacked, and have decided that they want to do the same thing. And that's where some problems arise.

Undoubtedly, we live in a patriarchal society. Although women have much more job opportunities, it's still much harder for them to get jobs (and that's only one example of the sexism they face). While men face issues, they are more to do with past cultural norms and less to do with rights. It seems that every right a woman faces for is counteracted, and I think it's important to talk about what women's rights activism is needed, and it's not just an unnecessary hobby of extremists.

1. "Men get sexually assaulted too, and no one cares about that."
I think that anyone being sexually assaulted is terrible. Men have it so hard because they are often deemed as "weak" and that they need to "man up." I am an activism for male survivors' rights, because I don't think there's anywhere near enough support. However, a lot of these words that are used to put down this group, are actually words associated with females. Weak, for example, is used to put men down and make them feel that what they are saying is not valid. We need feminism because it seeks to validate that emotions and other attributes associated with women are wonderful things (in both women and men).

2. "Women get to wear clothing like short shorts, and then complain about being 'slut shamed.' Men just can't wear short shorts, period."
Of course, I definitely believe that clothing is a beautiful form of self-expression. Yes, society says it's bad for men to wear "skimpy" clothes, yet they are allowed to walk around with no shirts on. Women and girls on the other hand are surrounded by media telling them how skinny they have to be, and the moment they feel proud enough of their body to show it, they are put down (while men - media telling them to be strong and muscular - showing that off would not paint them as negative).

3. "Men are objectified and sexualized in the media too."
Of course. They media paints everyone as a sexual being. It's all about sex. While sex isn't always a bad thing, often the way it's portrayed in ads is. While both genders may be sexualized, it's interesting that in ads, men are constantly the dominant one. This gives an image to us viewers, that men are on top. Not by any fault of ours, but the psychological effect is more than we think.

4. "Women have pressures, but so do men. We have to be fit and strong."
It's sad that so many of the pressures do exist. But when you think about it, why is it so bad to not be strong? Because if you're not, you're weak. Being called a "girl" is one of the worst insults. And that's why this all relates back to how sexism exists (and yes, even men can face sexism from a men-are-better-than-women standpoint).

5. By saying things such as 'teach boys not to rape,' women are oppressing men."
The fact is that young girls are growing up being told how to be safe. Boys are taught nothing at all, while perpetrators are commonly male. This is not blaming all men, but saying that all children need to be taught about the issue, and not just girls. There are so many young boys who have been sexually abused, and by actually talking about it, they would not feel so stigmatized.

By no means am I saying men don't face problems too, because they do. What each person feels is 100% valid. But when it comes to the gender gap, it's common that little education leads to men feeling attacked, when it's not the idea at all. Women and men need to unite in order to create equity.

Single and Not Ready to Mingle

The media is filled with images of love. It's the one thing that every person longs for. They want to find the perfect match, someone that they can spend the rest of their life with. Whether that be in a little house on the countryside or right in the middle of a busy city, it's normal to long to find our happy ending.

The diamond industry knows this well, and is a huge factor behind it all. By painting the perfect image of a wedding ring, people want to attain that sort of happiness, when it's really all a scam for them to make money. I fall prey to this too. One day I hope to find someone who can kneel down on one knee and ask me to marry them.

But here's the thing: love isn't everything. What? Are you serious? Yes, I'm quite serious! While love is such a wonderful thing, there's so much more to success than finding "the one." If finding love is the only thing on your agenda, you might want to think it over. Because having a healthy life means following the dreams that are meant for you and only you. Love may be a separate dream, but it's not the only thing to focus on.

As many girls, I grew up watching Disney princess movies. Of course I wanted to find a prince who would dance with me at the ball, a man who would fight dragons to be with me. But I wasn't taught the most important part of it all: that it was important to form a relationship with myself too. Because building a deep sense of self-worth and commitment is essential to living to the fullest.

Today, Disney has a few princesses who are happy being single. Merida from Brave and Elsa from Frozen are the two that come to mind. The sad thing is, many people think that the reason they are single is they must be gay. Although there would be nothing wrong with that, what is wrong is that they can't be seen as good enough by themselves.

It's okay to be single! It leaves so much time for self care and reflection, and that's great! Of course, relationships can be awesome too, but they're not the only way to live a meaningful life. Because we should not find meaning in another person, but instead, ourselves.

What's Wrong With Sexy?

Summer is coming up, and that means a lot of short shorts, skirts, tank tops and bikinis. Being able to feel great about your body in those outfits is awesome. There's a lot of media that makes it hard to appreciate your own body. When you're able to wear those skin-showing pieces of clothing, feeling good about yourself, that's healthy. It shows you have a good self-esteem, and that's fantastic.

Unfortunately, not everyone feels that way. Many people find excuses to shame girls for what they wear. And that's part of what contributes to some girls having such a low self -esteem. It's common to make girls who dress like this feel like trash. Sluts. Whores. Skanks. You name it, I'm sure a lot of us gals have heard it all. 

The sad part is, what's wrong with showing off a part of your body you're proud of? I think that if you think you have great legs, you should show them off! Of course, there's always proper situations for that (I don't suggest you do it to an office workplace), but there are also great situations for wear short skirts and shorts too! 

What you wear has nothing to do with self-respect. Dressing a certain way is a form of self expression, and wearing "provocative" clothing does not mean you don't care about yourself. Here are some things that show you care about yourself: standing up for yourself, doing things you love, practicing self care... And it so happens, that wearing certain clothes doesn't take away from any of those things!

Then there are the people who say by dressing this way girls are "asking for it." Wrong! You cannot ask for it. By it I'm referring to things like sexual assault. NO ONE ASKS FOR IT. The only person at fault is the perpertrator. Also, sexual assault has to do with who seems most vulnerable, and who the assaulter can gain more of a sense of power from. It's not about attraction, just power. 

Our society is very flawed. No female should ever have to deal with slut shaming. Being proud of one's body should be seen as a great thing, and not something negative. Don't shame others for their clothing. And ladies, wear what you want and feel great about it. Because you should feel great about how you look. Every single body is beautiful.

A Little About Self-Care

As Mental Health Week wraps up, I thought I'd write a post about it. I think that mental health is often
overlooked. While physical health is emphasized as important, keeping oneself fit mentally is talked about much less often.

People often mistaken mental health and mental illness. The fact is that everyone has a mental health, whether it be good or bad. And yes, just because you have a mental illness, does not mean you have a poor mental health. I, as survivor and person dealing with bipolar and anxiety disorder, make sure I take extra care of myself mentally.

Because it's not exactly seen, people tend to think of mental health problems as not as valid. I firmly believe that every once in a while, a Mental Health Day is important, but usually, days off are only seen necessary if it is physical. However, just as having a great physical health has a positive effect on one's mind (emotions, mental state, etc.), taking care of one's mind has a great effect on one's physical health.

Everyone is different, so they way that each person cares for themselves is not the same. Certain people find that some things work and that others don't. Regardless, I thought it would be a good idea to have a list of self-care suggestions.

1. Relax, clear your mind and listen to calm music
2. Read a book while drinking a cup of hot tea
3. Go for a walk outside and explore an area you've never before
4. Take a relaxing hot bubble bath
5. Watch the movie or television show that makes you most happy
6. Have your own personal dance party
7. Draw, paint or express yourself in another form of visual art
8. Research a topic you are interested in
9. Play an instrument or sing along to your favourite tunes
10. Write a journal entry, poetry, short story, or another form of written art
11. Cut out magazines and create a collage of all the things that make you happy
12. Dress up nice for no particular reason
13. Exercise your body by going for a run or to the gym
14. Indulge in a smoothie or another healthy treat
15. Join a club, sport or community group that interests you
16. Spend time with animals
17. Give yourself a manicure/pedicure
18. Catch up with an old friend you haven't spoken to in a while
19. Make yourself a nice meal or bake a fancy dessert
20. Any other hobby or activity you already love or are interested in picking up

Of course, there are so many other ways that you can care for yourself. In the grand scheme of things, this is a very short list. I challenge everyone to pick one or two things, or create your own! Taking care of yourself is essential to living a full and healthy life.

This Is What A Feminist Looks Like

I am a feminist, and being one, I get quite a bit of hate. People tend to have such a negative view on feminism. A large part has to do with the portrayal of them in the media. To many people, feminists are male-hating extremists that like to shove their ideas in your face.

Yes, of course there are feminists like that. But in every belief or movement, there are people who are extreme. Take religion for example. There are those people who use religion to practice hate, but that's definitely not everyone. Yet, it's the people who act on the extreme end that end up representing everyone in that group, because they are the ones gaining the most attention.

So what exactly is feminism? There are different kinds of feminism, but for the most part, it's just gender equality! Being a feminist is recognizing that in our patriarchal society, women do face oppression. It's not saying that women are better than men, but instead that there are still gaps in gender equality which needs to be fixed.

The whole idea of hatred towards men is called misandry. Misandry and feminism are two completely different things. A person can be a feminist who is misandrious, but it is not something built in the roots of feminism itself.

And yes, men can be feminists too! I personally know some wonderful male feminists who are huge allies to women. They're active in ending violence against women and fighting against the gender gaps in society. The reality is that any form of inequality ends up affecting everyone, and it's everyone's job to take part in bringing justice.

Many social services practice feminism in their framework, since this is an excellent approach when working with oppressed groups, especially women. It's not to say that they don't work with men. But recognizing that there are more privileged groups in our society is important. It doesn't make them more or less valuable, but it means they have much different experiences and struggles.

Feminism isn't something to be ashamed of, but proud of. To sum it up, if you believe in gender equality, you might just be a feminist.

Recognizing Resilience

As a social work student, I know how important it is to acknowledge the resilience in individuals. People are survivors of their own struggles. Yet, I know people even in that field of work who resort to blaming these people for the measures they have taken in order to survive, when the most important thing should be that they have.

Coping with one's own battles is extremely difficult. Different people find different ways. Of course, ways of coping aren't just doing hobbies, exercising and meditating. People find other ways of dealing with their problems, and not always necessarily good ones, such as substance use and self-harm (cutting, pulling hair, purging, etc.)

Regardless of if it is not the best way of dealing with one's problems, it's important to recognize that it still is a way of dealing. The way a person copes does not make them weak. By saying this, I'm not condoning these actions, but saying that they are survival tools.

There's not always an explanation for why something works, but the fact remains that it works. While I think that it's important to one day be able to shift to healthier alternatives, I also think that it's not as easy as stopping something that has been working for you.

Many health professionals that I have spoken with in the past over my personal problems have put me down for the ways that I had dealt with my problems. While they were not always the best ways, these were the tools that I had used in order to deal in the best way that I could. By condemning me, I simply shut them out.

Never shame someone for their coping mechanisms. Of course, suggesting healthier alternatives are a good idea, but it's never as simply quitting one thing and starting another. I am not a professional, and am not saying I know the best way for professionals to help a person in this situation (especially since everyone is different), but am emphasizing that resilience needs to be recognized.

Don't ever forget that you are a survivor. No matter the way that you have survived, the fact remains that you have. We all have different ways of coping, and different ways of living. That is what makes us strong.

Bisexuality: Not Just A Myth

Our society seems to be in denial of bisexuality. Often, people can comprehend if a person is straight or gay, but not bisexual (or another sexual orientation that doesn't fit either). However, the truth in it all is that sexuality isn't black and white. Being bisexual is having an attraction to both males and females. The concept seems easy enough, but there are still people who don't get it.

There are so many myths out there about people who identify as bisexual. For example, in television shows especially, bisexuality is shown as a "phase" that teenage girls go through. And while some people may experiment during their teenage years (which is not wrong at all), sexuality is not ever set in stone. As people go through life, they might find who they like changing. And that's completely okay. I am sure that every single person was once attracted to one person who they no longer are to anymore, or becomes attracted to someone they never were to before. Alike that, sexuality can change.

Here are some myths and facts about bisexuality:

1. Bisexuality is all about sex.

Wrong. Attraction is a key word that I have been using. When looking at anyone within the LGBT (lesbian, gay, bisexual, trans) community, the media often portrays bisexual relationships as entirely physical, revolving around sex. While being physically attracted to someone may be important, there are other ways of being attracted to them too. After all, you can be attracted not only physically and sexually, but emotionally, spiritually, and other ways as well.

2. Bisexuality isn't real - it's just people who can't make up their mind.

Wrong again. I've heard it many times too, when people ask, "Why can't you just choose one?" That's speaking as if it were a choice in the first place. A person who has the potential to love either gender doesn't mean that they just can't make up their mind. That's just like saying a person who likes two different flavours of ice cream should pick one and never be allowed to have the other. It makes no sense.

3. Bisexuality is just an excuse for cheating. 

Wrong, yet again. Many people think that people who are bisexual are just being greedy. It has nothing to do with greed. Just because a person is bisexual, it does not mean that they are attracted to every single person, or have the inability to be part of a committed relationship (That being said, it's not always 50% attraction to females and 50% attraction to males, often it varies.) Cheating isn't something that is caused by sexual orientation, but by the will to cheat, something that can happen with a person with any sexuality.

It's extremely important to refer to someone the way that they identify. If someone comes out to you as bisexual, they are not coming out as being gay. Refer to them however they identify themselves. They are the experts in their own lives.

Sexpectations and Double Standards

As a female, the double standards are all too familiar. It's easy to give in to what's expected because that's what we are taught. However, I think that it's important to challenge why we are doing what we are doing and why certain things are expected in the first place. You'll find that a lot of it has to do with the standards buried deep within the norms of society, with nothing to do with logic, and everything to do with privilege vs. oppression.

I find myself thinking about this a lot. A lot of times, it leads me to belting out Kacey Musgrave's Follow Your Arrow which is all about double standards, and since there's no way to please everyone, the best option is to do the best thing for you. Thank goodness for artists who actually get this double-standard dilemma, especially when so many songs these days reinforce it.

For women, a huge area filled with intense amount of double pressures is sex. Women are expected to have sex with men, yet when they are, they are called whores, sluts, hoes, skanks, etc. How is this even fair? Well, it's definitely not. And when women are given the expectation to repay men's kindness with sex, it's something I like to call sexpectations.

To take a look at this topic, it's important to think about why it's this way. A lot of it is constructed by society and the patriarchal system that we live in. Women are so often expected to do things for men, sex included. That being said, there are many men who, after doing something nice for a woman, expect sex. And women tend to comply to that because it's a norm in society. If you read my last entry on consent, you know that sex is only okay with consent, which means both parties being 100% into it. This sort of pressure is not consent.

While women are depicted as the nurturing and emotional gender (qualities which there is nothing wrong with), men seem to have a much different agenda for "what makes a man." It includes anger as the only emotion, physical strength and sex with women. On television, movies and advertisements, successful, heroic men are often rewarded with lots of sex. If you haven't noticed, pay attention next time, you'll see it too.

The fact is that sex should be about equality, and less about who deserves what. No one, no matter the gender, should ever feel like they need to have sex with someone. You never owe anyone sex. It's not a crime to walk away - it's often something that means you are looking out for yourself. And of course, it's okay if you feel that you want to have sex, go for it!

As long as you are taking care of yourself and being honest with your partner, there should be no shame in doing so. I know that so many girls and women deal with being called a slut because they choose to engage in sexual activity, especially if it is casual. This is called slut-shaming (which is putting someone down for their sexual activity, how they behave, or who they date) and it is wrong.

 No one should have to deal with this because of the fact that they decide to have sex, especially since it is something that is not only personal, but something that can be great. Sex has many health benefits, and having sex does not mean a person does not respect themselves. By taking care of your body, setting up personal boundaries and doing what makes you feel good, you are respecting yourself.

To conclude, I hope that everyone has an awesome day. If that includes lots of great sex, I wish you all the best. And if that's not what you want, remember, you don't owe anyone anything.

Consent 101

I've had quite a few conversations recently with people regarding the topic of sexual assault (after all, May is Sexual Assault Awareness Month). It saddens me, that although everyone can agree on the fact that rapists are the ones at fault, it's still implied by many that there are times where the survivor of the violence is too.

Men who have experienced this sort of violence are often shrugged off. Their assault is treated insignificant because so many people believe that men cannot get raped, while in face, they can. This is ridiculous, because man, woman or any other gender, if there is no consent, it is assault.

Women too are put down, but in other ways. They are often shamed for the way they are dressed, how sexually active they are, or for being under the influence of alcohol and/or drugs. Girls are taught how not to get raped and boys aren't being taught not to rape (not to say that all men, or even the majority of them, are rapists, but there definitely needs to be more education for them growing up).

Sexual assault has absolutely nothing to do with how a woman is dressed. It's about power. If it was about the way a person was dressing, women in full length clothing would never be assaulted. Neither would men or children. Yet, they are. And the reason is simple: it's about power, not the way a person dresses.

The same goes for a person who is under the influence of alcohol. Sex is only ever okay when there is consent. In Canada, the age of consent is sixteen (with exceptions, especially regarding peer-to-peer sexual relations). One thing however is stated clearly: a person who is under the influence cannot give consent.

About three months ago I was approached by an old friend who thanked me for my advocacy for survivors of sexual assault that I had been doing through social media. My only hope when I share these messages is that it can make an impact on other peoples' lives, even if "other people" only means one person. The moment I realized that what I was doing was, I felt more motivated than ever.

People who I have spoken with who are survivors have shared with me how often they felt blame and guilt on their own part. A lot of this has to do with the culture we live in, surrounded with excuses to shed light on rape. From jokes, to advertisements of men holding extreme power over women, this sort of violence isn't new to any of us.

The best thing to do is to be educated about consent, and use that knowledge to educate those around us. Here's some facts on the consent law in Canada:

• The legal age for consent is sixteen
• A person cannot give consent to pornography, prostitution or sex with a figure of authority unless they are eighteen
• The age for consent of anal sex is eighteen
• Exceptions: ages twelve and thirteen can consent to sexual activity with someone less than two years older than them; ages fourteen and fifteen can consent to someone less than five years older than them
• Someone under the influence of drugs and/or alcohol cannot give consent
• Consent means checking in with the person the entire way through, understanding both their verbal and body language

Consent isn't just sexy, it's essential. It's extremely important to be knowledgeable about it. Keep yourself, your friends and family informed about it, because all sex must be completely consensual! And of course, just as we all have the right to say no (whether that be verbal or nonverbal), we also have the right to say yes.

Cat's Don't Call (Neither Should You)

I love the summer. One of the reasons is because of the clothes. There's something great about being able to wear cute summer dresses, tank tops and short shorts while feeling good about your body. Yet, there are cons to it too. Most women can relate to what I'm saying. With clothing that shows skin, there is street harassment.

According to Stop Street Harassment (an organization with the initiative to end this), street harassment is defined as: "any action or comment between strangers in public places that is disrespectful, unwelcome, threatening and/or harassing and is motivated by gender or sexual orientation." Of course, this happens during all times of the year, but it seems to especially be evident in the summer. I love being able to walk everywhere in the beautiful weather. Time alone outdoors gives me time to reflect on the world around me, and all its beauty. But the cat-calls and wolf-whistles ruin it all. 

The worst part is, there have been times I've expected to be called out at, when I wasn't at all. I have been afraid to walk by certain groups of men because it has been such a norm to deal with that sort of harassment. I've also taken different routes to avoid people, as have many of my girl friends that I have talked to regarding the topic. 

I question the reasoning behind it all. I know for a fact that sexual assault and harassment is always about power, but the thought process behind yelling out to a woman on the street confuses me. Does it seem cool? Because if that's the case, I fear for the trends both of the present and future even more so than I do already. 

I know that for many boys and men out there, yelling "Hey baby" could be a normal things to do when driving by a "hot chick" with their friends. And I'm here to say STOP! For many, it's a norm to do such a thing. But the aftermath of it only results in the woman feeling degraded, objectified and bad about herself. Not to mention that if a woman yells back to defend herself, she is often labeled a "bitch."

If you see someone harassing someone on the street, how about educating them on the topic? Don't let it slide. More than 80% of women worldwide are dealing with this, and that is a number that is much too high. The only way that this can be changed is by telling people who do do this, that they're not being "cool." In fact, they are reinforcing the sexism and violence against women already in place through society, media and other means. 

The point is, we can put an end to this. There are many anti-street harassment marches and events. However, by not being okay with it, it's a huge step towards stopping it. We are all responsible for it, and ignoring is makes us part of the problem and not the solution. 

When Lighter Equals Beautiful

Have you ever looked in the mirror and wished that your skin tone was a shade or two lighter? Compared your arm to a friend's, envious of their pale, glowing skin? Or hid in the shade to protect yourself from a possible tan? Well, a lot of us have, and if we haven't, chances are we know someone who has. 

I recently found a video on that topic, and how fairer skin is often seen as more beautiful, and it's completely accurate. If you haven't noticed it, I'm sure you will now that it's brought up. As summer approaches, pay close attention to the comments around you. I've had so many of my friends worry that going to the beach or the amusement park would only darken their skin - something that they couldn't have happen. And who can blame them, when beauty is so often depicted as being white?

I have a lot of friends who especially deal with this issue. It's hard when the make-up in the cosmetic isle are all lighter than your skin colour, and when skin colour band-aids aren't your skin colour in the slightest. And there's still not enough representation of people with darker skin in movies, television shows and ads. With this in mind, no wonder that people are wanting their skin to be lighter. 

I think that a lot of it has to do with the marketing industry. Like many products, their advertisements strive to make people feel bad about themselves for the purpose of making money. I constantly find myself envious of the smooth skin only attainable from CoverGirl or a Loreal model's luscious hair. In reality, their seemingly perfect appearances are results of Photoshop and great editing tools that create a person that does not actually exist.

Of course, people with lighter skin colours do exist, however in this case, the industry creates ads that make it seem like attaining lighter skin should be a goal. Many of us have seen the videos of little girls pointing to the most beautiful Barbie, each time pointing to the one white doll rather than the black one. Both girls and boys often grow up with these images in mind, simply wishing that they weren't so dark. 

I can't identify with this at the same level as many others can, but what I do know is that lighter isn't more beautiful, but a concept created by the media. Well, who put the media in charge of what is considered better? Shouldn't it be us who shape our own definitions of beauty? After all, it is us who this affects on a personal, intimate level, and not the media. And it saddens me that people feel that they have to lighten their skin in order to achieve what is perceived as a desirable colour. 

Sadly, I can't take down those ads. I can't make every boy and girl in the would grow up thinking that the colour of their skin is good enough. But I can challenge those around me, the readers of my blog, my friends, my family and others I may encounter to question why it's so bad to have a darker skin tone. Is it really bad, or are we just brainwashed into thinking it is. Asking questions is important. Without doing so, each of us become robots controlled by an industry of condescending lies.

I personally think that the diversity in each person's skin colour should be deemed as perfection. I hope that people share this video with others so that this topic can be talked about more in a critical way, rather than a way that only promotes self-hatred.