Expertise and Identitities

Through recent experiences, I have been thinking a lot about my identity and the identity of others. Identity is extremely complex and made up of millions of things, both little and big. And when it comes down to it, each of us is the expert on who we are...and no one has the right to question it.

This leads to the whole idea of trying to understand someone else's identity. It's so easy to try to wrap our minds around it, but hard to actually understand it. Why? Because to REALLY understand a person, we'd have to know literally everything about them, feel exactly what they are feeling and go through all of the same things. And let's face it, even if we have had similar experiences, it doesn't mean we know how they felt. It's impossible to fully comprehend.

That then goes to say, who are we to tell a person who they are? And the answer is absolutely no one! We are experts in our own lives and only our own lives. Even if we are peers, we only can represent our own experiences. And each of us experiences things differently.

In the end, it's so important just to accept that fact, that we don't know everything. Empathy over sympathy...simply acknowledge that each individual knows best about themselves. There's no need to question it further. We all have quite complex stories to tell, and instead of placing labels, let's celebrate the diversity of identities.

The Art of Imperfection

One of the members of the rehabilitation program that I work at told me something that I thought was quite profound. He, being a very talented artist was showing me some pieces of his work. He explained to me how a friend of his did similar work, but used special tools in order to perfect it, making every single line look flawless. But then he told me how that doing that wasn't art - that something like that could be done on the computer - and that real art was about having those flaws.

That really made me think. I like to think of people as art. I mean, we are, aren't we? Each of us are outlined uniquely. We have curves. We are each pigmented uniquely. And none of us are the same. Now really, what would be the point of having airbrushed skin? Of hair that falls in exactly the right place? Having no flaws would make us products. Instead, we are all masterpieces, and we need to remember that.

It's so easy to get wrapped up in judging ourselves critically for how we look. It's especially easy to do when we are surrounded by images of models. But models that are flawless don't exist in reality. And even if they did, wouldn't they be a bit boring? There is such beauty in imperfection!

Just a concept to ponder. It's so cliche to say that everyone is beautiful. But it's in fact true. We are all beautiful pieces of art work. Every single line and shape are part of that, and part of what makes us so incredible.

He's Totally Whipped

Let's go over this term "whipped." What does it really mean? As most of you know, I'm not talking about a strip of leather - I'm talking about the term describing the slang term that describes a person being controlled by their partner in a relationship (usually a male being controlled by a female). For the sake of it being a slang, I've taken the top definition from Urban Dictionary.

My issue with this isn't the term itself, but more how it's used. I believe healthy relationships should be based on a form of equality, and that controlling relationships are in fact, unhealthy. But the real problem is the context this word is used in. Often, people use it to describe a man who respects women.

I know for a fact that people will deny this. But think about it. I guy who treats his girlfriend with respect, especially around his friends, is often considered "whipped." Who doesn't engage in crude conversations about her, is "whipped." I'm not saying this is always the case, but it is for many.

There is nothing wrong with love. It is often frowned upon for a man to show emotions, and when he does, such as love, it can be looked at negatively. We know that this doesn't work the other way around. Women are in fact expected to be more nurturing, and willing to show their caring side. But it's hard for a man to without him being judged.

I think it's time that we change this. Instead of making it out to be a bad thing, a man treating his girlfriend right should be celebrated. Again, there are many times where the term "whipped" is used correctly, but there are many cases it isn't. And in those cases, we're making it seem like it's a bad thing for women to be respected, which in turn affects all of us.

Let's build relationships based on complete respect, and stop putting people down for doing so. We all deserve to be treated that way, and should never be put down for doing so.

Changing Our Vocabulary

It's quite sad when you think about it. Our vocabulary is filled which such negative words that we simply pass off as everyday language. And for many of us, it rarely - or never - crosses our minds. It's so easy to aimlessly walk through our lives, excusing what we say as what we were taught. Which in a sense is valid, but it's also our job as members of society to question things.

I'm talking about more than just saying "gay" or "retarded." Those are common ones, ones that are easy to pick out. I cringe when a person uses those words out of context. But yet it's so easy to not think twice about the abundance of other words.

What am I talking about? Dumb. Insane. Lame. Those are just a few of the many. The thing is, they often have to do with inability, therefore supporting abilism. And I find that people often find excuses, saying that people are just looking for new ways to be offended, which is most definitely not the case. The language creates a barrier for those who deal with a disability. How is an individual supposed to feel accepted when everyday language puts them down?

I'm not saying that using this language makes a person bad, or anything of the sort. My point is that there is great importance in recognizing that using disabling language is a problem. Nothing is going to happen overnight, and trying to change may prove to be a more difficult task than expected. But by questioning our language and trying our best to change it, we break free of being walking, talking zombies of society.

Just because saying certain words is a norm, doesn't mean it should be. I think it's so important to question everything, to unlearn the things that may be the norm, but may also be wrong.